Congrats on That New Phone! Creative Suggestions for Destroying the Old One

We’ve all been trapped behind the technological curve at some point, and at times nothing can be more frustrating than having an outdated phone. Nothing can nurse the desire to break something like your friends surfing the Internet at 4G speeds while you suffer through dropped calls. When you do get a new phone, you probably want nothing more than to destroy the old one, but what’s the most efficient and satisfying way to do so?  Grab your cellphone and protective gear, and remember to wipe the phone’s memory before you start; protection from identity theft is just as important as good safety goggles and gloves. Actually, for safety’s sake, it’s probably better you don’t try any of these methods at home.

Drill

Effective, simple and easy, using a drill to punch an inch wide hole through your phone might require some special equipment, but is practically effortless. What’s more, you can put a nail through the hole and hang it somewhere as a warning to other old phones. This will show them who’s boss.

Pros: Feel powerful using tools to destroy things.
Cons: Leaves much of phone intact; it doesn’t feel as “final” as other methods.

Target Practice

If you have several old phones, lining them up in the backyard and taking aim with a pellet rifle can not only provide satisfaction, but can also prepare you for the zombie apocalypse, where paper targets will be in short supply but cellphones will be laying in landfills forever. Blindfolding the phones beforehand can lend this method a particularly effective form of drama.

Pros: Improve your accuracy; it’s a great chance to quote action movies.
Cons: Neighbors will probably call the cops.

Microwave

Probably the easiest way to execute an old phone is to toss it in a microwave and press “popcorn.” This method is the most detached and aloof of the techniques presented, which adds insult to injury for your obsolete phone. Remember, you’ll probably want to eat things you cooked in the microwave later, so don’t use mom’s appliances for this kind of wholesale destruction.

Pros: Low effort and built-in suspense. Destruction via radiation is especially ironic.
Cons: Toxic fumes might rend the veil between this world and the next. See Geekologie video on “Cellphone In Microwave.”

Caution: video contains light swearing, which seems appropriate given the toxic fumes and fire.

Explosion

In a festive mood? Strap some fireworks to your old phone and detonate it to celebrate your upgrade into the world of modern technology. Wearing festive hats is optional, but highly recommended.

Pros: Looks pretty cool in slow motion.
Cons: You could lose a finger, could lose all fingers, or could be placed on the NSA watch list.

Fire

For as long as mankind has wanted to destroy something, we have turned to fire. Perhaps the most primal way to destroy your old mobile device, using fire will help you get back in touch with the primitive you, the one who would have seen the cell phone for the evil sorcery that it really is. As ancient strategist Sun Tzu would suggest, it’s best to be upwind from a fire you start, lest you suffer the same fate as your enemy.

Pros: It’s on fire!

Cons: It’s on fire!

 

Wow… these were some pretty crazy stunts to rid yourself of an old cellular phone, and although these videos were entertaining, we don’t suggest that you do any of them.

So let’s put all kidding aside, and get serious now… for safety’s sake, we do not endorse these methods for the disposing of your old mobile device. Being more environmentally conscious, there are many safe and easy ways to get rid of your old wireless phone. Try selling it on eBay (you never know who may want your model of phone), many non-profit organizations will take used cell phones and then sell them to a recycling company (and use the funds within their organization to do good), and sometimes your wireless provider will simply take your old phone as a trade-in towards the purchase of a new mobile device.

So think about it… you’ve got safe options.

 

Comments

  1. wow I am so torn between taking out my 2 yrs of frustrations on my old phone and doing the environmentally responsible thing. You have given me some great choices tho. thanks.

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